Epic Evening

04/11/2009 § 4 Comments

“Water before love, my girl.”

“Does it take the whole Nile to quench your thirst?”

-Joshua and Lilia

I’m all alone this holiday weekend. Sure, sure, there are options. Things to do. Friends to see. &tc. But Gemma is out of town and I’m lazy without her. In an attempt to inject some epic into my life (something it’s been sorely lacking lately) I was planning on getting drunk by myself and and then blasting music and making my cat Hattie dance with me…all the while pretending that she was the size of a brown bear.

Luckily….or providentially perhaps(?)….I turned the tv on while I was eating my pizza– made from the dough I made the other night– and I caught the very beginning of The Ten Commandments! Thank you, thank you, thank you Cecile B. Demille.

…on top of that! old girl upstairs was tickling them ivories as if a frenzy had overtaken her. Sometimes things just work out.

I don’t really have much to say about the film, so I’ll just list some things; some awesome things. I like lists.

Firstly. Yul Brynner must be from a distant planet filled with crazy awesome people. That guy’s crazy awesome. Though his acting in The Ten Commandments is no different from  his acting in Westworld, (it’s funny to juxtapose those characters he played in my minds eye) it is still somehow spot on. Imagine that crazy robot running around Egypt claiming he was Ramses (probably by writing it in the sand….since, if memory serves me right, that wild west robot is a mute.

Secondly. What a funny time in which to live when folks thought that Gods would want grain…. and people would fill up silos full of it, just for the Gods. Isn’t that funny? If God has been around forever, and he made you, and you’ve never seen him/her, how on earth could you be presumptuous enough to think that God wants your lousy grain. Not even like bread or beer or prepared food….grain. haha. cracks me up. Eat it. Eat the grain. You grew it.

Thirdly. When old boy Seti and his daughter are playing Anubis cribbage or whatever, the dice they use is three round sticks that they rub between their hands and drop. …..are they always rolling threes?

Fourthly. Yul Brynner’s right hand man, perhaps some vizier(?), sounds like the Brain from Pinky and the Brain on Animaniacs.

Fifthly. Why’s he gotta chuck the commandments. I know he’s mad, but should Moses still be in too much awe of God to chuck them at the Baal worshipers? (It was Baal, right? Could have been Hermes for all I know)

Haven’t read my old testament in a while but I’m pretty sure Demille and company took some liberties. Still. It’s worth watching . Don’t know if Easter is the right occasion though. What’s Moses got to do with Jesus? I mean, I guess he foretold the coming and all that(?), right?

Any ideas. (Jer)

Added a few hours later.

God opens the sea with the blast of his nostrils.

-The Blind One

Haha. Blast of his nostrils. I’m sure there is a better, less comical way to say this. Perhaps “With his mighty breath,” or “with slight exhalation.” Anything other than blast of his nostrils. Say it aloud sometime.



01/27/2009 § Leave a comment

It is not my intention to review movies on this blog. At all. However, I did just see Coraline and if it is worth anything to anybody I have opinions about it.

Firstly, I like Neil Gaiman. I think he’s an interesting writer and individual. Good Omens comes to mind. I suppose I am glad he exists. Or whatever.

Unfortunately most of this post is going to be complaints about the film. I’ll save the positives for the end and then probably recommend to anyone, if they have an interest, to go see this.

That being said. I don’t think the voice talent was very good. It was a  constant flip between over acting and sounding too self-conscious. Sorry Teri Hatcher and Dakota Fanning….whatever.

Also, the 3D never really works for me. Do I think it’s cool? Of course I do. It is cool. But it is decidedly not cool to get a headache the second I put on the glasses, which is what always happens. My brain is constantly looking for something to focus on but since it is all just trickery on the part of technology there is really nothing to focus on.

The story is okay I guess, but it just seems like a hodgepodge of fantasy ideas taken from random sources. These things often make for good visuals but they are often used to distract from the lack of story. Is it a simple story? Then just let it be simple. It does not need a bunch of crap to dress it up. It’s like putting a blazer on a bull. The bull is interesting enough. Don’t put a blazer on it.

Also, I don’t like when there is weird sexualization in movies that are supposed to be for kids. I guess it is the humor to placate the adult audience that is bringing their, but it detracts from the story. Make a character busty, fine; but don’t make the character wearing just pasties. Maybe it’s just me.

All that being said, it is worth seeing if you can handle the disorienting 3D. The opening titles are actually pretty amazing. And the whole button-eye-thing is one of the few ideas I really liked in the movie. Bravo. Henry Selick’s animation was great, as usual; except for the whole, big head/skinny body thing. That is getting pretty old.

So, whatever. Glad I saw it. Probably never watch it again.

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